my post yesterday was mostly negative as i am very done with the bullshit described there, but my feelings on it don't end there. it's really also that i feel this isn't how you build community and how you organize with people to make change. sometimes you're going to have to sit with people who make you uncomfortable and even work with and organize with them because even if they like things you think are in the Bad box if their views align with yours on the change you're working towards and they treat real people decently, then they can at least help both you and themselves towards your common goal, whatever that is... making a community people actually want to live in, changing shitty bigoted laws, etc.
i just feel like so many people aren't willing to do that. and because reading comprehension is extremely bad right now particularly online, especially from far too many Americans, let me be clear: this is not saying to make space at your table and give a soapbox to nazis and bigots. note in my above paragraph i stated "treat real people decently." but like. fuck. let me see if i can think of an example of what i mean.
alright like. the way a lot of younger LGBTQ+ people react to older terms used by older community members. like i get it, those words were probably used to hurt you, and you can ask people talking to you specifically not to use them. but far too many of these people seem to think they have the authority to tell other people, often older people, they share a community with they can't call themselves things they've used for decades before the younger ones were even born. like yeah tranny is considered offensive, but that's some peoples' identity too. obviously don't use that for every trans person you meet but you also can and should sit with your discomfort when you meet someone who could fall under the "trans woman" identity but feels much more at home wearing the words "transsexual" or "tranny." you're going to meet the leather dykes, the faggots, the queers, and you have no right to tell people they cannot use these words period. boundaries are only for how people interact with you, you don't get to use them to police other people, you need to learn to sit with your discomfort and negotiate things in a way where everyone can at least be afforded the dignity of existing how they are in any LGBTQ+ community you want to be a part of and contribute to. sometimes that might involve saying i can't exist safely in this community and need to find somewhere else
and that's fine and just something that happens too.
but so many people i come across i can't help but feeling like they need to learn to separate what's causing what kinds of harm and that not everything is black and white. i mean everyone probably does to some degree; i am not exempt from any of my own observations and i'm aware of this. but in the example of terms for queer people like. both things can be true. a word like queer or fag can both be a harmful slur and also be someone's freedom and embracing of who they are. you can hate the bigotry in a piece of media and talk about how it's harmful, but it's my honest belief far too many people make too many leaps of logic to arrive at "anyone who interacts with this is irredeemably evil." and i mean. i guess that's their perogative and choice but it still deeply disturbs me and affects my online experience as someone who's very frequently the Other and Hunted in these online witch hunts. it means it's hard for me to ever feel truly safe, to know i'm not being secretly watched for any signs of Deviance that i need to be Culled for because i watched the Wrong anime or something.
s i g h.
oh well. people cannot often be helped or changed, unfortunately. trying to convince people of others' humanity is always worth it if you can spare the energy to, of course, it just has to be done with the realistic expectations that a lot of people won't change their minds, and a lot that do won't right away.
this journal format seems to still be working for me, which i find to be very good, and also actually encourages me to write my own stuff rather than sharing others' writing. which to be clear i do like sharing other peoples' thoughts and opinions when i think they're worth talking about or even just spreading, it's just that the old style of how i was doing my journal for some reason felt less conductive to me actually writing things myself. it's nice to have something that feels like it "flows" to me the way writing livejournal posts used to.
god, i miss livejournal. i feel it's something i'll want to elaborate more on another time, especially contrasted with things like tumblr (which i frankly feel are a directly very inferior online journaling experience) but the site itself was very good and had so many features you really don't see in modern social media anymore, because they're user-friendly features instead of things designed to get the maximum amount of viewers on the most reactive, popular posts.
have more medical things coming up, too, which i will also have to deal with insuranceless... the spouse advised me to reschedule if they're expensive but i may just have to pay the executive dysfunction tax of "paying full price to do it Now because i don't know when or even if i'll have the energy to reschedule this and actually make time to attend it." it's honestly awful and i hate it but lol what choice do i really have... i'm sure far too many people who actually have executive function would read this and say the same ignorant thing they always do, of course you have a choice, ~just do it.~
like lol thanks yes i can feel the executive function manifesting in my brain right now with your dismissive bullshit, thank you. i hope other people show you the same patience and kindness you showed me now when you have to deal with disability. :)
oh well. even if i have to pay the executive dysfunction tax of insuranceless medical appointments at least it'll be done. unfortunately it means making more problems for future me to deal with but that's just how life is. hopefully things will work out in my favor. for fucking once.